One of the key issues for every one of us is, ‘How do we work with the people we deal with?’ And the ability to have a great relationship is essential to every single one of us being successful.
Our ability to create interpersonal effectiveness is one of the most dramatic markers of our capability, our success, and our results. So I ask a very simple question, ‘What’s the driving force—the universal driving force—of the most effective interpersonal relationships?’ it’s a pretty fundamental question. And yet, almost nobody answers the questions well. Nobody’s been asked that question before.
So here’s what I would say: If you want to be outstanding in your relationships, it’s about how much value do you create for them. Now, a lot of my clients are actually technical experts:
CIOs, you know, professional services, masters of their domain. And they’re always wondering why they don’t get the kind of appreciation, the respect, the recognition, the reward that they deserve for bringing such brilliance, right answers, to one of their clients. And the real issue is, until that client sees the value of the results you’re delivering, they don’t care about your process.
In fact, they can’t even evaluate your process. How do I evaluate the process my lawyer or my accountant or my doctor goes through? I don’t have those skills, I don’t have that technical knowledge. What I do have is knowledge of what I want from each of those people. What’s my valuable result? And that’s the critical thing that every technical expert has to be clear about. How do I help that client understand the valuable results that they’re going to get? Which is a hundred times more valuable than telling them anything about what you’re going to do. So the key to interpersonal effectiveness: maximization of value to the people you’re working with. They have to be able to understand the value of the results you can produce with them. One of the key piece with this: helping them, facilitating clarity for them to understand the value that they’re going to get, is worth ten to a hundred times as much as if I tell you what that value is.